


tired of feeling like i'm f---ing crazy

by orphan_account



Series: we're on a quick, sick rampage [7]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bittybones (Undertale), Breaking the Fourth Wall, Dialogue Heavy, Edgy is a jerk, Edgy meets a human who's not a sap, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-03-01 05:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18794113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: An Edgy bittybones meets a discerning reader who doesn't tolerate his rudeness. A parody of many different "bittybones rescue" stories.





	tired of feeling like i'm f---ing crazy

**Author's Note:**

> I just... I just hate Edgies, man, they're the worst idea for a pet I've ever heard of. I already offed one in one of my other stories, but I wanted to write up how I would act if I was in the situations put forth in many of the rescue stories.

_Ugh, another shift done_ , you thought as you walked the rolling trash can to the dumpster behind the restaurant where you worked. It was closing time, and your only chore before going home was to empty the trash, so you were absolutely ready to be finished. You swung the top open, and tossed the first bag inside, followed by the second, at which point you heard a strange sound from inside the dumpster.

It almost sounded like… someone shouting…?

Yes, someone was definitely yelling from inside the dumpster, but the voice was small and hard to make out. You stepped closer to the edge and looked inside, slightly shifting the bag of trash you’d just tossed in. Oh, that was strange… there was a tiny skeleton in there, and he was… wearing… clothing? It seemed to be alive, judging by the loud growl it let out when you tried to reach inside to help it out. “Don’t touch me, bitch!” it shouted, and you determined that it was probably male, if that mattered to little skeleton things at all.

“Okay,” you said, and dropped the bag of trash back on top of him, turning to retrieve the third bag and finish your closing duties. The fussing and screaming started up again immediately, and you lifted the bag covering the little red-eyed skeleton again. Oh, he was one of those Bittybones pets—little monsters meant to be companions for humans. He had a pretty bad attitude, though, and you were a little annoyed that this happened right before you were able to go home. 

“What?”

The bitty glared at you, still mostly pinned by the heavy trash bag, and you noticed that he was also wrapped up in one of those plastic six-pack soda holders. He didn’t seem able to move very well. “I said, don’t touch me, human bitch,” he repeated, and snapped his sharp teeth in your direction.

“I heard you,” you said, and moved to replace the trash bag on top of him.

“Wait!” You obliged, pausing in your motions.

“Ya ain’t… gonna try to touch me?”

“No,” you answered.

“Why not?” he asked, seeming genuinely confused.

“Because you told me not to touch you, insulted me, and then tried to bite me,” you answered sensibly. “You don’t want me to touch you, I don’t really want to touch you, and I’ve got to finish taking out this trash.” 

“Ya mean… ya ain’t gonna insist on rescuing me, even though I will absolutely fuckin’ shred your hands and probably give you tetanus?”

“That’s right. I assume you’ve got your situation handled if you’re able to say what you said,” you answered. 

“But… ya ain’t gonna spend days trying to win my trust, and then take me home, feed me and clothe me and let me talk mean to ya and wreck all a’ yer important stuff?”

“Wasn’t planning on it. I have pets at home that are trained to behave well, and I wasn’t looking for a feral animal.”

He looked vaguely offended, but pressed on. “Ya ain’t gonna let me sleep in your bed and keep tellin’ me ya love me even though I suck in every possible way and will have only negative interactions with you?”

 “Nope!” You were getting a little tired of this conversation, and your wrist was tired, so you moved to put the bag of trash back on top of him.

“But… I’ve had a sad life, moving from owner to owner who just didn’t understand my special Edgy personality and kept returning me to the pet store until the last one just threw me out! I need a human who’s basically a doormat and lets me bite them and make their life a living hell! Look at my mean little face and my tiny fangs! Ya tellin’ me ya ain’t feelin’ a little weak in the knees for me, bitch?”

You swore he actually tried to waggle his eyebrows. You were a little creeped out, and a lot sick of his—“Edgy’s”—crap. “Nah, won’t be doing any of that for you,” you answered. “Free advice, Edgy? Stop being such an asshole to everyone, and you’ll make a lot more friends.” With that, you plopped the bag of trash back on top of him, muffling his cries, and then placed the final bag into the dumpster and shut the lid. You had a freezer pizza at home, and you were ready to eat it.

If there was a little extra dust in your dumpster the next morning, the garbage truck wouldn’t know the difference.


End file.
